Maybe This Is The End?
I know I’ve been missing from the blog internet lately. I was busy trying to write this new book. Yeah, it’s still just kind of lingering in different notebooks and computers at the moment. So, no there is no new book news yet. I haven’t written much of anything in over a year. Up until a few weeks ago I had not even bothered to turn on the computer and make a picture.
Quite honestly, I just haven’t had the desire to sit down and do “art” of any kind lately. I think in part it has to do with me being tired of fighting to be seen as a legitimate author and artist. I used to just make art for me. It was simpler. This whole trying to make things to sell gig just isn’t working for me.
Seems like people are really interested in my pictorial work when they see it. Then they ask me if I drew/painted the picture and when I explain how they are made suddenly it isn’t as cool. The picture they just flipped out about is no longer valid and an air of disdain fills the room. I’m sorry, was I supposed to lie? Should I be like the guy in the corner in the trench coat with his discount watches?
And let’s not even get started on those books I have available. They are full of words that weren’t approved by the publishing gods. Big words. Weird words. Fantasy words. And gasp….poetry! Who reads that stuff anyway?!
This disdain even happens in the virtual landscape. People contact me about making a picture of some kind for them all the time. They saw my gallery. My work is awesome! Can I make them something? Eh. I don’t like commissioned work because it is hard for me to connect with people like that. I do NOT bill myself as a commission artist and I never do pieces just for money. Yet, sometimes I choose to do a piece because I like the person or they really need an affordable art option. Plus, it never hurts to have exposure. I do feel accomplished after such a transaction, except for when I find the work I just took time out of my life to create is never given a second thought. It is particularly hard when I see those same clients that just told me they LOVED their commissioned work actively showing off other commissioned pieces, but none of my items are ever mentioned. Or even worse, they love it and will send the money ASAP but decide to stiff you on the bill and never speak to you again. Uhm. Why are you treating my work like a bad one night stand that nobody mentions every again? Because it wasn’t hand drawn? Because it wasn’t a work made with stock art and lens flares? I didn’t lie about what kind of art I do. I didn’t contact you and tell you I was cool!
And again with the books in the virtual realm…should we go there? I recently did a search on a site that fellow authors were trying to get taken down for pirating. It was an SOS to other authors, check here and get your stuff removed type of post. I didn’t expect to find my stuff, but I actually found a whole thread about my books. Someone really wanted to read them and asked how to download them for free. (Let’s forget that you can get it at the library). There were several replies on the post from users that had managed to pirate my novels and supposedly read them. They told the poster to not even bother trying to download them for free because the books were no good. Maybe I should be thankful. Less people will want to pirate the books? Or should I be upset you told a whole bunch of people that my books were not good enough to read even if you can get them for free?
So, as I am sure you can tell, I am just kind of wore out about the whole situation. That fire the drove me to create before has kind of grown cold. I took some time off hoping it would help, but it has not. I’m tired of peddling my wares to try to “authenticate” my status as an author or an artist. I’m tired of trying to create a body of work that I can show up at events with that will be different than what I had the last time. Maybe one day the fire will come back, but right now I’d just rather go to my day job or watch TV. After all, I did write and publish six books, a poetry book, and made several photography books. Maybe that is all I was meant to create.
I’d like to close with a few things though. The simple definition of art from Merriam-Webster.com:
: something that is created with imagination and skill and that is beautiful or that expresses important ideas or feelings
: works created by artists : paintings, sculptures, etc., that are created to be beautiful or to express important ideas or feelings
“Art.” Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 16 Jan. 2016.
To all the “make art button” haters out there with your eye rolls of disdain at how my art isn’t art…well I am pretty sure it is. And I challenge you to try it yourself.
All my pictures start out like this:
And in the program they look like this:
And I turn them into this:
So, if it is so easy to make art the way I do….so easy that it isn’t worth another minute of your time…..why don’t you go get the free software and find that make art button you accuse me of having for yourself? http://www.daz3d.com/ will even give you free content to start with AND freaking tutorials on how to use the program. I bet you find it is harder than you think.
I won’t say good-bye forever, but I do plan on a lot less blogging in 2016. Who knows. Maybe I will even get around to writing another book or two. I will continue to post poems and pictures when I create any. I will NOT be doing any commissioned work; so, please do not ask. Have a great 2016.